City driving

I live in a city now. Therefore, I drive in a city now. When I first started driving in Baltimore I was more than a little bit apprehensive. The roads were all unfamiliar (plus there were a ton of them!) and the drivers were more aggressive (plus there were a ton of them!). I was scared to drive at first, but as I slowly grew accustomed to the way of a city driver I embraced it as a challenge, an adventure. Could I reach my destination without looking at it on Google Maps first? Could I get there without using a map at all? Yes, and yes, eventually I could.

My driving progressed and I began to look at it more as a competition. Could I get there faster, without breaking speed limits? Could I choose the best roads and the fastest lanes? If I wanted to turn left a few blocks later, but the right lane was moving more quickly now, then could I trust myself to merge later after passing a few cars? I was hoping the answer would become yes more frequently. That hasn’t happened yet.

City driving is too random. I can’t take everything into account. I can’t create a winning formula. Mathematically, driving is too complex. Sometimes I’d make good choices, but those same choices would be slower the next day. Sometimes a car would stop randomly in a lane and force all other cars to bottleneck around them. Sometimes it’d be construction, other times a moving truck. Taxi cabs are the real wildcard that I can’t quite grasp. Occasionally they are the most aggressive vehicles on the road. Other times they can be the kindest, most patient drivers.

So I’ve given up. This is my declaration of resignation. Baltimore, your roads no longer intimidate me, but I can’t figure them out. I promise to not always seek the fastest way and instead enjoy the drive for a change.

Technological revivals

I love technology, especially when it works. It's less ideal when it doesn't work, but for the most part I know how to fix it. It's called waiting.

My freshman year of college my hard drive failed. I took it all apart and tried to fix it several times. I gave it to a computer science major. He helped me run it through Lenox for a while. I couldn't get to any of my files though. Then, randomly, about a month later my hard drive worked again. No one could explain it to me, but I was thankful!

Last spring I was using my head phones in the library when the right side started crackling and then died altogether. I was so disappointed because those head phones got heavy usage, especially around finals week. The next day, the right side was working just fine. I didn't understand.

In May, the day that I put new strings on my guitar, my tuner died. I thought the batteries were dead, so I switched them. Those didn't work either. Even though they came straight out of a new pack of batteries I figured they must be dead too. But the next set didn't work either. About two weeks ago my tuner was up and running again with the original batteries still in them. My tuner hasn't failed me since.

In February or March the timer and mine counter on my Minesweeper game shifted to the right so that I could no longer see the ones place. If it said I had 4 mines left that meant I had somewhere between 40 and 49 mines left. If it claimed I'd been playing the puzzle for 11 seconds that meant I'd be at it for over 110. Tonight though, both the timer and counter are fully readable. I can actually know how long I've been going and how many mines I have left! It's wonderful.

The moral of the story: Don't give up on broken technology. Maybe it's just sleeping and will work later.

Life

Such is life: it ends in death. In movies and books the main characters may not dies, but if movies and books were real then you could rest assured that even the main characters will die. If in the movie or book or any story that characters cannot die, then you can rest assured that the story is not real life.

The greatest gift in life is life itself. Each day that we wake up and breathe and think and feel and loves is the greatest gift. Therefore the worst thin in life is death. It's the removal of the greatest gift. It's the loss of all that one person is. All suffer at the loss of life, for we are all connected.

The greatest love in life is also death. Through death all is abandoned and cannot be reclaimed. Where the greatest gift and greatest loss intersect is the greatest love. To willingly relinquish your life for another bears the greatest loss at expense of the greatest gift. There is no greater sacrifice and no greater love.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friend." John 15:13

I'm inclined to disagree with Jesus on this point. At the Sermon on the Mount Jesus said we ought to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). Indeed, the greatest love is making the greatest sacrifice for one's enemy.

God's love feels greatest to me not when I am acting as a friend of God, but when I am an enemy. Even in those times of rebellion God's love remains with me. In his crucifixion Jesus didn't only give his life for friends, but also enemies. Jesus demonstrated the greatest love and I too want to demonstrate that some day. Until then though, I want to show glimpses of the same love as I live thankful for each day.