Living Consciously: relationshiplessness

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
Matthew 25:40

If tragedy struck today and the house you’re currently living in burned down, would you have a place to sleep tonight? Can you think of someone who would allow you to live with them until you could get another place to live? Chances are everyone who is reading this would definitely have another place to sleep. Chances are everyone reading this wouldn’t even be able to count the vast multitude of houses they could sleep in tonight if necessary. Family, friends, classmates, coworkers, church members—there are countless people who we could ask.

In Baltimore, where I currently live but know very few people, there are dozens of houses I could sleep in. In fact, in the past few weeks, during the incredibly hot weather, I had offers from several different families to come over and stay with them. See, the house I’m living in doesn’t have air conditioning and they were concerned for my comfort. Without even asking for help, people have been offering it. Relationshiplessness is not a problem for me.

When asked to identify the main cause of homelessness in Baltimore, I once heard a guy say, “relationshiplessness.” He fully acknowledged that it wasn’t a real word, but it communicates the cause perfectly. If current homeless people had a few strong relationships with people who weren’t homeless, then homelessness wouldn’t be a problem. As it stands though, those who are truly homeless suffer from relationshiplessness and do not have any place to live. They don’t know people who would welcome them in.

Now, I could use this post to continue to advocate that we all make relationships with homeless people, but I think that point has already been made. People are needy in this world. And sometimes all they need is us, not what we have, but just a relationship with us.

I admit that this topic is far bigger than anything I could write in one or forty blog posts, but I want to mention a few things. I want us all to think hard about the culture we live in. Generally speaking, society tells us that we should fend for ourselves first. It says, “You are the most important.” It tells us not to worry about the others we push aside as long we’re personally successful at getting to the front. “If you make it to the top, then you’re a success; don’t worry about all those others that you stood on to get there.” We live in an individualistic culture and I know Jesus would have been critical of it.

Jesus never allowed relationshiplessness to continue. In John 4 I think of him sitting down at the well in Sychar and talking with the Samaritan woman who came out to get water. A Jew talking with a Samaritan? A man talking with a woman? Jesus didn’t care. He saw someone who was searching for greater meaning in life and knew a relationship with him could offer it to her.

In John 5 I think of Jesus walking up to the paralyzed man near the pool of Bethesda. Jesus asked him if we wanted to be healed. Though the man wanted that very much, he couldn’t see how it was possible. Apparently the first person into the pool when the waters were stirred would be healed, but this man had no one to help him get in the pool. No one would help him, so he’d never be well. Jesus took the opportunity to be the relationship the man needed, though Jesus’ healing power was much greater than the pool’s.

The stories of Jesus reaching out to others could go on and on. He was a man of relationships. As I said in an earlier post, people mattered to Jesus. I think people should matter to us too. We should emphasize forming relationships with those around us. We don’t have to go anywhere to find people. Let’s get to know the mail carrier or garbage collectors. Find out the name of the janitor at work or school. Offer a gift to a neighbor. As an introvert, these are difficult things for me to do, but as a follower of Jesus, I think they’re important to do.

It’s not exclusive to Mennonites, but as a small Christian denomination, we play what’s called the “Mennonite Game.” Simply put, when you meet someone knew within the Mennonite circle, you try to form as many connections as possible. “Oh, I know your second cousin from that conference on peace building four year ago. We were in the same conversation group.” Or “If you attend ______ church, then you must know my roommate’s brother’s fiancé’s family.” I wonder if Mennonites (and other relatively small groups of people) suffer from a fear of relationshiplessness. To counteract it we prove that we have relationships by making it a game.

I guess the main idea here is that relationships are important. Because we are people, we have something valuable to offer: ourselves. Let’s not get stuck in our own little world and fail to take steps to value others. Some of the posts that are yet to come will elaborate on how we should interact with each other.