Jesus, not Paul

Sometimes I'm afraid that Christians follow Paul more than they follow Jesus.
I'd rather follow the Son of God than a great missionary.
I'd rather follow someone who is still alive than someone who's dead.
I'd rather follow the person whom I can still have a relationship with than someone who wrote letters in a context that isn't mine.
Sure, we have access to a lot more material from Paul than Jesus, but I think Jesus gave us plenty to keep us busy. That sermon on the Mount was no easy teaching!
Yeah, so I don't know about you, but I think I'll do my best to follow Jesus, not Paul.

The Super Bowl

I've always loved a good sporting event. And especially this year in Baltimore, as I've felt a little sport deprived, I've enjoyed the sporting events that I do get to see. This Super Bowl was great. It would have been better if the Ravens had been in it, but at least the Steelers were there for (almost) everyone to cheer against. The game was close and the good guys ended up with the win. What could be better than that?

Well, funny you should ask. There was something better tonight. (No, I'm not talking about the commercials, though they were pretty decent and better than past years I think.) Smiles and laughter from little kids will always be better than any sporting event. I watched the Super Bowl at my host family's house and got to play with their kids as I watched the game. Seeing them smile and hearing them laugh was way better than the game could have ever been.

I love sports, but I think I love kids more. That's just the way it is.

Something worth listening to

Phil Kniss, pastor at Park View Mennonite Church, spoke at EMU's chapel last week. In my opinion it's worth listening to. EMU podcast Friday 21, 2011

I have to write a paper

So, I've been asked to write a paper 3-5 pages in length about "Church Leadership from a Mennonite Perspective." It's for a scholarship and doesn't need to be done until April 1. While in college that meant I'd start thinking about it around March 29th. But, since this scholarship is important to me I figured I'd start writing in the beginning of February and try to be done before March began. Sometimes though, God puts random thoughts in my head. In this case, they fit the topic. I spit them out onto my computer and now it appears I'm posting them on my blog. Yep, that's what happened. Here's a potential start to my paper if I'm bold enough to keep it.

"Church Leadership from a Mennonite Perspective"

Mennonite leadership must be honest. Honestly, I don’t want to write this paper. I understand the importance of practicing the art of communication through written word. In fact, I practice it at length every day. But, I’d rather sit and talk with you than write to you. Writing is one way communication. It allows for a patient transfer of information from one party to another. The writer can safely squirm as they select each word to create a beautifully crafted and delicately precise argument. In face to face verbal communication that selectivity is no longer safe. You make mistakes in verbal communication. You slip, stutter, searching for the specific word to convey your thoughts. Your thought process is exposed, laid bare before the hearer. It’s humble, potentially humiliating, yet authentic, real, true. Take away the computer I type on and you can hear me instead of a cautious, calculated, controlled display of myself.

Face to face communication is humble in another way too. If I talk with you, I can hear from you. I confirm that my thoughts are not the only ones on the issue. I affirm your voice, your opinion, and admit that mine is not absolutely authoritative. If I talk with you, then you can teach me what I don’t know. Again, that’s not safe. I may use faulty logic and you are there to call me out on it. I hope you wouldn't be concerned with hurting my feelings by countering my thoughts. I hope you'd speak up to help us both learn and improve, reaching higher truths than we can attain by ourselves. Together we're better than I'll ever be alone.

That’s why I’d rather not write this paper. Sure, I have thoughts and opinions, ideas that might actually be worth sharing, but you have some too. And I want to know what you think. So I’ll go ahead and write this paper to satisfy the requirement and help me verbalize what rattles around in my head for later communitcation, but what I write is not definitive by any stretch of the imagination. After talking with you for a few minutes I’d want to revisit my paper, altering the phrases to display how new thoughts have entered the dance. My writing would change and would be better for it.

I like to write. I do practice it daily. But my writing doesn’t follow any prescribed linear path. I write a conversation, not with people, but with a living God. I journal to God and God isn’t silent. We talk. We chat every day. God knows me and, to some slight degree, I know God too. It’s good. No, it’s better than good. And it’s essential. What does Christian leadership from a Mennonite perspective look like? It looks like a person gifted at leadership who honestly searches after the heart and will of God, and upon finding nuggets in that search binds them to their own heart and shares them with others through word and deed. It looks like someone passionately striving after Christ Jesus until all is known and all know.

Rude

I find it rude that some strange man dared to walk up to a blind man and stuck mud made from dirt and saliva in his eyes. I wouldn't be ok with that. I'd probably protest. Then I'd realized I'm protesting a miracle. That would mess up my world and I'd have to sort it all out again. This time though, I'd let God be God and I'd be ok with that.

December 25th

They call this day Christmas. It means you go to mass and remember the birth of Christ. Jesus probably wasn’t born on this day and I’m not attending any mass, so does that make today less important for me? Not at all.

Christmas for me means family and generosity and good food, fun games, laughter. It also means we read the story of Jesus’ birth. Maybe the Millers hold their own little mass. Today means stockings, cinnamon rolls, baked potatoes, and candles. It means hugs and Christmas music. It means gifts to wear, play with, and install as soon as possible.

This Christmas means spending time with someone whom I love outside my family. I won’t be involved in their Christmas celebration as far as their traditions go, but I’ll get to celebrate Christmas with them! Family is pretty close to the most important thing in the world for me and to have two blows my mind!

God, why am I so blessed? 2000 years ago you sent your son to earth as an incredible, unmatchable gift. He came as a baby, but he was a man worth imitating. And then he sacrificed himself to save me, a despicable sinner, from the punishment I had chosen, have chosen, and will choose again, so that I can be right with God when my earthly end comes. There is no greater blessing! There is no greater gift. There is no greater reason to celebrate a day!

Merry Christmas!

T not F

"The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair" (a.k.a. illogical, irrational, foolish and idiotic by human standards, ununderstandable, I don't get it).

That's been a favorite Relient K lyric of mine for years, but it had extra meaning to me this past Saturday. I was driving back to Baltimore after spending a few Thanksgiving days with family in Virginia. Virginia with family and friends is a place where I feel comfortable. I’ve been me there and I’m alright with it. Baltimore is a new place, a challenging place, and I constantly find myself questioning who I am here. During my latest 3 hour transitional drive I heard this Relient K lyric once again.

Recently I've been wrestling with myself and my faith. I'm a T (thinker) rather than an F (feeler) according to the free Myers Briggs personality tests I took online. As such, I have an incessant need to rationalize and think my way through everything. This shows up mainly in table games, Minesweeper, and my need to observe new groups of people so that I can figure them out before I join in. Unfortunately, I've also realized lately that it stretches to my faith as well. It means if my mind can't make sense of something then it's awfully hard for me to believe it.

Essentially this boils down to a very shallow faith. As much as I enjoy the vast depth of a human brain, let’s be honest, its capabilities are nothing compared with the mystery of God. If I always have to understand something to believe it, then I’ll never fully believe anything about God. My brother’s story of dumb lambs feels especially true here. It’s like sheep trying to understand the method of the shepherd. If I were a sheep I’d strain my brain trying to grasp the shepherd’s instructions and then starve out of stubbornness.

Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” I’d add “what we do not understand” as well. I want real faith.