“Is it a gift? As painful as it is, it is still a blessing, God? How many times have I called journalling my greatest blessing and greatest curse? My journalling defines me. It’s who I am. It dictates my emotions and spirituality and relationships. It is my past and my present, and I’m so attached that it will be my future too. I could use my current anguish as a reason to stop journalling, but I can’t bear that thought! That literally might kill me because I am my journalling. It’s my greatest curse and my greatest blessing.”
~~May 13, 2010
Memories are fantastic! Some of the greatest times in life are sitting with a group of people and reminiscing about a shared past. Or getting together to do something that we all know we’ll never forget. Those instances get the “timeless” label. They are beautiful, peaceful, divine.
But memories, or forgetting them, can serve as coping mechanisms. It’s said that time heals all wounds. I’d argue the point, but there is truth the phrase. Over time humans learn to diminish memories that were bad and augment good ones. It’s how we can survive each day and not be chained to past choices. Regrets exist, but they can be downplayed over time.
I have the unique opportunity to not forget my past. It’s not that I have a super memory or anything. It’s just that I’m willfully addicted to journalling. Every day I write down truth about my life. And every day I can choose to go back and read about the truth of my life. Sometimes it allows me to celebrate a great day from my past! Then journalling is my greatest blessing. Other times it reminds me of a mistake I’d like to take back. Then journalling is my greatest curse. Always it points out the faults in my memory. But, it’s who I am. I can accept that.
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